About the QHVSG Forums
The QHVSG Forums is a moderated, online discussion space for the QHVSG community of survivors.
Through conversation, we can share stories and information that help us find pathways through the grief and trauma of losing a loved one to homicide.
The Forums are regularly moderated by volunteers and staff of QHVSG but not 24 hours a day, our 1800 number has 24 hour, 7 day/week support people. All moderators are identified as a 'moderator'.
QHVSG Forums are peer-to-peer support services. The information provided is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between your support person at QHVSG or other counselling professionals.
If you require crisis support or counselling please call QHVSG 1800 774 744 or in an emergency call 000
The QHVSG community guidelines are here to keep people safe on the Forums. It's a good idea to read them, just so you know what's okay here and what isn't. Anyone who is a member of QHVSG is welcome to join and contribute to these Forums. This is your space, a place for all of us to give and receive support, share experiences and information, and help each other. As a community, we highly value everyone's contributions. Freedom of speech is encouraged, but there are some essential guidelines we set to keep the service safe, respectful and welcoming.
We aim to ensure that the QHVSG Forums are always:
As language can be triggering or elicit a trauma response, out of respect for people with a lived experience, please
- do not publish content that contains graphic details of how your loved one was killed or any other content that others may find distressing or be harmful in any way
Also, in order to ensure the Forums are safe for you and other members, please:
- avoid remarks that could be considered defamatory or that might break the law in any way
- avoid posting ongoing / repetitive criticism of a service offering. If you are unsure of where to raise your concerns email firstname.lastname@example.org for information on feedback mechanisms.
- post information that is true and correct to your best knowledge
- report posts you think are inappropriate or breach these guidelines
- report posts if you're worried about the immediate safety of the poster.
Although we cannot account for every person’s trigger and trauma response, the guidelines above aim protect the community against common triggers for people with a lived experience of murder and manslaughter. During your time on the Forums please share helpful content, focussed on wellbeing, and help seeking behaviours, from time to time this may include discussion of difficulty seeking help but please keep the conversation away from anything that includes graphic detail, defamatory or private info; focus on your own experience; and for the purpose of gaining support from peers.
We want to ensure everyone who comes to the QHVSG Forums feels welcome and respected. So please do not publish any content that:
- is obscene or offensive
- is malicious, personally attacking or hostile
- directly talking about or alluding to another member, Moderator, QHVSG staff, management or volunteer that could be perceived as disrespectful or not inclusive
- may incite hatred or be seen as discriminatory
- could be seen to be serving yours or somebody else's commercial interests
- could be interpreted as professional advice such as legal, medical, or financial advice.
- is a duplicate of another post or make multiple posts with the same or similar content (cross-posting)
Everyone has different beliefs and values. It is okay to share your own, but it's not acceptable to criticise other's beliefs or pressure anyone to follow your beliefs and values.
All statements outside your personal experience - for example, about statistics, data, studies or judicial system - should have trustworthy sources. Please include a link or reference to the source of the data within your post.
Our moderators may remove any content that is unsourced or could be considered harmful or triggering. If this happens to you, a moderator will be in touch to help work things out.
What if I Breach the Guidelines
It happens! We know it's almost always unintentional. One of our moderators will contact you via email to let you know which guideline your post doesn't meet, and explain why that particular guideline exists.
Your post will be taken off the Forums and you'll be asked to edit it so it meets the guidelines. When you've done that, your post can be published again.
We strongly encourage you to edit your post and continue to be part of the conversation.
If you ever have any technical problems editing your post, please email email@example.com
Removing Forums access
Removing Forums access is a last resort, reserved for members who repeatedly or intentionally breach the Community Guidelines.
The Forums team acknowledges that sometimes people may repeatedly breach the guidelines as a consequence of difficulties managing emotions or other life stressors.
We acknowledge that the Forums may not be the best, most appropriate space for everyone at every stage after a loved one is murdered.
When a member's access is removed, it is in the context of repeated breaches and concerns held by the Forums team that the member's use of the forums is harmful to themselves and/or the Forum community more broadly.
In particular, name calling and trolling will not be tolerated.
Procedure for removing a member's access
If Forum Moderators notice a harmful pattern of behaviour, QHVSG staff or peer supporte will reach out to the member to provide them with tips, advice and support on how they can avoid breaching the guidelines.
If, after this support is provided and followed up, a member continues to breach the same or similar guidelines, The Forums team may implement the following three-stage system of access removal:
- Access is removed for 48 hours and the member is supported to follow the guidelines
- If the member breaches again, access is removed for 1 week and the member is supported to follow the guidelines
- If the member breaches again, access is removed permanently and the member is invited to apply to have their access reinstated after 12 months
The Forums Team reserves the right to remove a member's access immediately to protect the community from further impact.
Once a member's access is removed, they will not be able to log into their account. If the member wishes to provide feedback or make a complaint after this has occurred they can email firstname.lastname@example.org
The Forums are not viewable by the public, only approved QHVSG members. Sharing information disclosed in the Forum by another member, by text, screen shot or by any other means, outside of the Forum, is taken to be a serious breach of privacy and will result in immediate withdrawal of access and may lead to prosecution under the Commonwealth’s Privacy legislation.
QHVSG has an obligation to pass on your details to emergency services if your safety or the safety of others is deemed as being in immediate risk.
Support Inside the Forum
The QHVSG Forums is a supportive community, but just like other communities, there are challenging times. Times when people don’t see eye-to-eye, or when things you read can trigger strong emotions.
Self-Care for Forum Users
Your first priority should always be self-care. If you're upset about something you read on the Forums, it may be helpful to work through the following steps:
- If your reaction is very strong, take some time out away from the Forums, or away from the thread where the discussion is occurring. Posting when you're agitated or upset can lead to feeling more distressed, so take a break to help your emotions settle.
- Check in with those emotions. Are you feeling upset? Angry? Annoyed? Is it only about this event, or has it triggered past memories or hurts?
- Use strategies you have found helpful in the past to manage strong emotions. For example, find an offline place to write what you feel. A notepad, a diary, anywhere only you will see it. It's not for anyone else to read, so you can express yourself without a filter.
- Seek help. If you're distressed, talk to a QHVSG counsellor, your doctor, a friend, anyone who will help you vent and process your emotions.
- Do the things you do to calm yourself. Listen to your favourite music, make a cup of tea, run, take a bath, watch your favourite movie. Treat yourself.
- When you're ready, take some time to reflect on what upset you on the Forums, and decide if you want to respond. Responding and not responding are both valid options.
This also applies if you're not feeling up to giving support on the Forums. It's okay to step back for a while. You could avoid certain topics or discussions, or take some time out of the Forums altogether for self-care. If you want to stay on, you could visit some of the 'lighter' discussions
Dealing with Conflict
Conflict is a normal part of communicating and connecting. It can be stressful, but it can also be an opportunity to work through and resolve issues.
If you decide you want to communicate with the other member and try to resolve the conflict, there are a few useful things to do:
- Practise empathy. Did the other member mean harm? Is it possible they put their point badly or didn't quite say what they mean? Is it a valid point, even if it upset you?
- Ask them to clarify what they meant. 'I'm not sure I understood when you said x. Could you explain a little more please?'
- Focus on the issue, not the person. 'I disagree about this topic' is better than 'you are wrong/hurtful/bad.'
- Use 'I' statements to describe your emotions. 'I felt upset' is better than 'you upset me.'
- Respect their point of view, while offering your own. If someone has expressed a hurtful opinion, see it as an opportunity to educate them on the impact it can have on others.
Stay tuned into your feelings. If you get frustrated or upset, or the conversation becomes unproductive, it's okay to take a break. Self-care is priority number one, so return to those steps if you need to.
Getting Moderators Involved
Forums moderators work behind the scenes reviewing posts. If a moderator spots a conflict, they may enter the conversation and try to help resolve things.
You can also email email@example.com to alert them to the situation.
If you see any content that is harmful or triggering, or you believe violates the Community Guidelines, you can use the 'Report Inappropriate Content' function, which you can find in 'Post options' dropdown menu for the post you are concerned about.
- in most cases will attempt to facilitate a resolution between the members within the thread
- will contact each member involved via email to continue working towards a resolution if no resolution seems possible on the Forums
- may temporarily close a thread to diffuse the situation If a discussion thread becomes unproductive
- will remove the post and contact the member if the conflict breaches guidelines.
Remember: if you don't want to address the conflict straight away, that's okay. Breathing space can be helpful. Take some time out, practise self-care and revisit the discussion when you're ready.
QHVSG Forums is a peer-to-peer community, where members can connect, share and support each other.
If you need one-on-one support, guidance or information contact: 1800 774 744